7.10.2011

92 - Valley of the Dolls

Hat - Vintage, Collar - Courtesy of ShopAkira, Tee - Alternative Apparel, Belt - Forever 21, Shorts - Thrifted Cut-Offs, Shoes - Jeffrey Campbell, Jewelry - Mostly Konstantino Today, Lipstick - Revlon

The kind folks at www.shopakira.com sent me this free-standing faux leather collar. When they e-mailed me about their webstore, I had a "hey!" moment and recalled that my high-school-through-college BFF worked at their physical store in Chicago. I remember visiting him there and scoring some majorly rad purchases, some of which were from their own house brand. Perusing their website, I fell in love with these JCs and this dress. Wear 'em together with an acid washed or tie-dyed denim jacket and you have one rad outfit, my friends. So there's that, for your consideration. I want to make a list of all of my favorite online shopping destinations and leave it permanently up on my blog. I'll file that under "things I'll get around to -- I swear". 

I also wanted to say that I was honored to be mentioned on the blog of Ms Vintage Virgin herself -- AKA my thrifting vintage soulmate and the most perfect woman alive. You may recall that back in March, I scolded you all for not making me aware of her presence much sooner? Also, the always inspiring and wonderful Lua of Le Happy posted a picture of my first fishtail braid attempt on her blog and featured her own rendition, which was adorbz just like her. I've said it before, but I feel obligated to say it again: I am such a sucker for community, and it is so wonderful to be a part of this odd little weird girl blogger club into which I have been privileged to fall. Everyone in the fashion blogging community on the whole is just so incredibly kind and positive, and I am grateful to be a part of it all.

With that out of the way, let's talk about something I don't like, shall we?

Every day when I walk to get coffee, I pass by a parking garage. The man who typically works at this parking garage likes to harass me on a daily basis. He will yell or make kissy noises or whistle. The sad thing is that it happens with such frequency from men everywhere that I usually just ignore it. However, when it comes from this man, in particular, it stirs a silent rage within me. I think that it has something to do with the consistency and the repetition. Usually when a man accosts you on the street with unwanted attention and advances, he eventually goes away and you never have to see that particular buffoon again. However, this man is in the same place, every day, and I have to anticipate his antics, which gives me anxiety.   

I wore these shorts today because it was about a buh-jillion degrees, and I just knew that it was going to "invite" (I quote "invite" because no matter how you dress, it does not make you a justifiable target for verbal abuse and sexual harassment) this type of attention, and from this man in particular. Today, I decided, was the day that I was going to give him a piece of my mind. As I walked to my coffee shop, I considered in my head all of the very clever and cutting things I would say to him if he tried anything, which he surely would. However, when I reached the parking garage, he was engaged with a customer, and all he did was give me a smile and a slow nod, which still left me seething, but caught me a bit off-guard, so I did not launch into my diatribe.

I thought about how this is something very common to the female experience -- dealing with predatory unwanted attention. However, I do not often see it addressed in the context of fashion. This surprises me, because it is very much tied into how we present ourselves in public. Any girl or woman has probably been sexually harassed by a stranger in a public setting, and while it can occur no matter what you are wearing (I have been "kissed at" whilst wearing sweatpants -- no lie), it happens to me far more frequently in the summer time, when 100-degree temperatures dictate that I wear substantially less clothing. It is unfair that we be made to feel uncomfortable and self-concious simply for existing in public, and I think that if your personality is conducive to doing so, it is important to defend your right to unhostile public spaces. Remember: wearing summer clothes does not mean that you have put your body on display to be judged and assessed by strangers. You can find more information on street harassment here

54 comments:

  1. I'm in love with your style, so unique with every post. I love the collar..so cool.
    And i know exactly how you feel with the creepy man. I work in retail, where I usually work alone and I've had some really weird encounters. What a lovely world it is...

    www.themoptop.com

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  2. I love how you pair that the collar with those pieces. Smart :)

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  3. I couldn't decide which post to comment on, because everything you do is flawless. So, I picked the most current post, and it certainly does not disappoint.

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  4. I think you should report that man for harassment, because you never know -- you may not be the only one he is trying to "accost" (for lack of a better word)
    I agree though, you should dress the way you want, and not need to be restricted by the way people will perceive you.
    -- saltandleather.blogspot.com

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  5. Wow, the leather collar is absolutely too perfect! You look amazing, as always.

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  6. very nice look... love ;)



    COUTURE STREET: Gaia WEISS égérie MAUBOUSSIN http://t.co/Obz31GI

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  8. the important thing for me is to not just let it slide when something like this happens. if I feel harassed, I can get really aggressive and it feels great to vent. when I was younger, I used to be really scared of this type of harassment and somehow the "psychos" (as I call them) noticed that and it made me even easier a target. now I hold my head up high and talk back to this shit in such a manner that lets them know I'm not allowing it, and let me tell you, I feel so much better afterwards!

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  9. Such a gorgeous look.

    LOVE minnja

    My English Fashion Blog:
    http://minnja.blogspot.com/

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  10. I so agree with your views.Why should we as women cover up when its the men who should change their ways & not look at us like sexual objects or continuously stare at us like they're "visually raping" us.Once a guy passed a lewd comment & I actually started ranting away at him & soon many people gathered there which was pretty embarrassing.There were people ready to even take him to the police.But I let him off with a warning.I don't think he's going to do that ever again to another girl after all the shouting he got.I think you should have done the same whether or not the man here made kissy noises or not.Its harassment after all.

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  11. Love your blog and this post finally made me wanna comment...it's sad that we are completely conditioned by a certain age to just anticipate and ignore the random catcalls, lewd remarks, honking, and kissy kissy noises these jerks make. Even worse? Over a dozen times in my life a friend/boyfriend has said "I saw you at ____ and tried to get your attention, but you just kept ignoring me." If possible, report this douchebag, who shouldn't be doing his routine on the clock. I've reported several repeat offenders, including a mailman(!) and gotten good results. Stay safe and keep rockin' the cute outfits.

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  12. First of all I have to said that this outfit has to be one of my favourites of all your brilliant outfits these is beyond cool!I love the collar! and shorts! so wonderful. I think sexual harassment is the most annoying thing for women I know a lot of man are doing this for fun but I guess you have to feel sorry for this type of man they probably have very small penis :)

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  13. If I hadn't liked your blog after I looked through the first five pages or so, I certainly do now. Women/girls should stand up more for themselves, myself included ...
    When I get hollered at, or called names, I know of nothing to say because I'm just too furious, and mostly it's a few minutes later that I come up with something I should have said. That's annoying, 'cause I really want them to know that it's not appropriate, that I don't allow such things.
    I didn't know that site, thank you for sharing it!

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  14. You are my favorite! Thank you for blogging about this subject. Street harassment makes me absolutely livid, and it seems that it doesn't get as much attention as is due.

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  15. I am really sorry about that guy.. You should definitely give him a piece of your mind soon. I hate when things like this happen, and that it never happens to guys.. it is so stupid and rediculous how sexist and masogynistic our whole society is. And it is so awful that girls are made to feel like they are asking for it when they are just wearing what they want and they should be able to wear it, some guys just act so stupid. gwah. I am sorry about him and about all the other times it has happened. stay strong sista.
    Your collar is amazing! I love it a lot. And your hair is so great this length, I keep likinging it more and more :)

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  16. great hat!

    xxx
    www.ladyalamode.com

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  17. great post!! and lovely outfit, as usual :)

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  18. No one had ever 'called out' at me in public before, up until this year since I've drastically changed what I wear. Unfortunately, this has begun a once-in-a-while occurrance that I'll have a car of some teenage boys drive by and honk their horn or call out the window. I try to brush it off and make nothing of it, but some days, it just really puts me off.

    In one particular situation, I was wearing shorts, a tank top, and a vest, and walking by this guy getting in his car in his driveway, and he specifically called out to me and said, 'hello little lady.' It just really creeped me out. This guy was at least forty, and I look like I'm thirteen IRL. In the end, it's all rectified when I get legitimate compliments from people over what I'm wearing, even if it happens less often than inappropriate call-outs.

    This all just reminds me of annual 'Slut Walks' (a very misleading name, I must say) which have to do with women who have been sexually assaulted who were told that they were essentially asking for it because of what they were wearing at the time that it happened. I'm shocked that people who work with the law can actually make that argument.

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  19. I did a similar post on how awesome men on the street are. Sadly, I have yelled/cussed/screamed & tried to calmly communicate why they are being insanely rude/scary/inappropriate- and neither work. If you tell them to "fuck off", then they call you a bitch. It never ends. Unfortunately, mine are always just people in the street- but your situation is awesome, because you actually have someone to report him to- his job. Do it!

    http://confessionsofavintagestoreowner.blogspot.com/

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  20. fantastic outfit (as always) and i definately share your views on being harassed. I love wearing denim "hotpant" style shorts, high waisted -- they go with so many outfits and look nice as i have a small waist.
    I am aware theyre short -- but i wear them for the LOOK. its fashion, its the style. they go well with almost all of my outfits -- and yes, i do get male attention from this. people also says i provoke these kind of comments wearing these items of clothing -- why?? just because i like the way something looks -- FOR THE WAY IT LOOKS, not for the way it shows my flesh.
    it is irritating, I fully understand your anger about it!

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  21. The collar really makes the outfit. Perfect accessory!
    And I completely agree with your argument about unwanted harassment. Snide, provocative comments/gestures etc. I mean, really, how old are you?
    Women should feel confident not conscious about expressing their style and anyone who thinks otherwise can suck it.
    Great post!

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  22. Awesome outfit girl!!
    And i totally agree. Some men just can't behave :P

    http://babyitsallgone.blogspot.com

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  23. can't tell you how much i love that you wrote about this on your blog- it is the one thing that i will ALWAYS get upset about. i purposefully dress overly modest when i go to work, because i'll be walking around downtown and the number of times that i get harassed is just astronomical. it baffles me that men think it's okay to degrade women and make (very loud and obscene) comments about their appearance. i usually just flat out ignore them because my temper is so bad that if i actually started saying what was really going through my mind, i might end up hitting one of them because i'm so uncontrollably angry.

    i hope the parking lot dude leaves you alone from now on... but if he doesn't, i can only imagine the brilliant cut-throat response you'll give to him next time.

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  24. beautiful outfit hun, you always look stunning.
    What a strange little man, but everywhere you go their is always someone like that, very strange lol xx

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  25. i would love to raid your closet! and be shopping buddies with you, you always have the most amazing pieces of clothing and accessories!

    and yeah, i totally hear you about harassment. i get it all the time from the sleaziest guys no less. i shit you not, i got hit on while pregnant, apparently men have no bounds of decency. sorry to hear about scumbag, it would piss me off too. get some pepper spray and just spray the shit out of him, maybe that'll stop the harassment.

    anyhoo, so yeah, you're one of my style inspirations :)

    Beneath the Glass

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  26. ew I'm so glad you addressed this. when I lived in downtown pittsburgh (city of a million bridges) I always had to walk over a bridge to get to work or school etc. & there's always creepy men that hang out on them. I would always ignore their comments until one day I guess I ignored the wrong guy & he called me a bitch & started following me! I of course ran like crazy into the nearest building but from then on I always made it a point to at least politely smile or say hello to these creeps to avoid another crazy situation. but it's like, why should I have to be nice to these jackass's that make gross comments to me?! yuck. anyway, I hate that. & I hope your creep leaves you alone!

    p.s. that collar is bomb. like tick tick.

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  27. I've started making comebacks. When I walk my dog, he's like a man-magnet. Men immediately throw comments my way. The worst was when a guy said "Cute dog. Lick my *@#&$*%". My new reply? "Are you talking to me or the dog?"
    I like to also think of the episode in Sex and the City where Miranda is harassed by construction workers and one day she finally says Yes! Take me! And the guy panics and is like Whoa I have a wife. This has to be SO TRUE for most men! Ugh

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  28. i love this outfit, but i LOVE this post a million times more. naturally i've been dressing in skimpier outfits lately due to the heat, and yes, of course, attracting ten times more attention. i hate that so many men can't understand that i'm not dressing this way because i want to be stared and shouted at, IT'S JUST HOT OUT. so frustrating. so glad you posted this, and good luck chewing out that creep.

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  29. Your outfit is terrific, lovin the hair. Marg got me into that movie so I love your title.
    Your rant on sexual harassment had me going. I was so into it, you should be a writer for women's rights. Such strong feelings that I completely agree with! Love the whole thing.

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  30. I love your thoughts on street harassment. I thought that it was even worse in Paris than California, but your experience feels similar to my own. I lived in the 18th, next to Sacre Coeur on a gorgeous street. The only problem was that I lived next to a tourist trap, and thus there were loads of scummy guys on a daily basis that would constantly make the foulest remarks and gestures. They would even follow me to the grocery store, then around the grocery store, or home at night. At one point I began to get anxiety from just walking outside/around my neighborhood. Anyway, I really admire you encouraging girls to stick up for themselves. When encounters are repeated it can be a bit intimidating, and the men begin to think they have some power over you. I hope this dude gets what's coming to him.

    I also adore your outfit, as usual. That collar is a perfect accessory.

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  31. I am SO glad you wrote about this man thing. This happens to me on a daily basis as well, not so much in Monterey because the majority is old rich white people, they just stare with mouth agape, but it never fails anywhere else. I mean, I could be wearing a floor length trench coat and they would still honk and whistle. It is not our fault, and we should be able to wear whatever we want without this unwanted attention!!!!
    With that said, you can try my approaches: Either stare back and ask "WHAT?" in a confrontational manner, this usually gets them to look away quickly and leave. If you feel really brave you can do the, what i like to call, 'horribly disfigured facial expression.' This consists of making the worst possible face you can make. This will make them not want to look at you at all, and they will most likely feel stupid for even looking.
    As for Mr. Pervy Parking Man, you should wear a large set of head phones, or just your regular ipod, and sunglasses that shield your eyes. That way even if he does try and get your attention, you wont hear him because you will be too busy ignoring him and listening to your music. Those are some of my tricks, i've had many years of practice as I don't have a car. When I lived in Fresno I had to walk an hour just to get to the bus stop from my house. I learned quickly how to get confrontational as men would constantly try and pick me up. You just have to be aggressive and loud. If it comes to it make a scene, embarrassing them once will usually embarrass them for life.

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  32. style and substance. i think i love you. i'm terrified of dressing the way i truly want because of the times i have dressed the way i wanted to, i have been harassed from cars (honk!honk!), pedestrians, and even approached.

    the price of beauty? ha ha im so vain.

    amy xo
    stop by if you're bored..
    http://moonriverr.blogspot.com

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  33. I love the outfit! It's fabulous!

    http://inelegancewetrust.blogspot.com/

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  34. man, you have an amazing eye for coloursssss. that grey top and collar look so good.
    I absolutely am with you on this street harassment thing, you cant even imagine how fucked up men are in Peru, its crazy.

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  35. Totally agree with you on the harassment thing. I have to walk past a 5 blocks of construction workers going to school every day and it's enough to make anyone want to wear a paper bag over their entire body. When people can affect us enough to make us not want to dress how we normally do... it's just not ok.

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  36. I'm glad you're shining light on street harassment. I've been experiencing a lot of this lately at my externship, not by my coworkers but by the defendants in my courtroom. Given the fact that my dress code requires that I cover my shoulders and wear skirts that reach my knees, I KNOW I'm not "asking for it," as they say.

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  37. OMG! I am a regular lurker of your blog and am, so glad you posted this because you're right! This is something that fails to get addressed as often as it should!I live in San Francisco's downtown area (known for the creepers) and this is something that I face on the daily. Being a curvy African American girl, I find this happens to me so regularly that I have come to EXPECT this type of behavior whenever I set foot out of my tenderloin apartment. I've found myself altering my style so much because of living here and it actually makes me view the city alot more differently :( When I first moved here I was really offset by this, but over the years I have found myself growing my OWN set of balls. The harrassment here is so bad that I've found myself having to get in the guy's faces and yell at them to have some respect! In which they then turn away and wait for it..... wait for it.... APOLOGIZE! That's when I know that I've done my job as a woman. LADIES YOU CANNOT IGNORE THIS BEHAVIOR, IGNORING IT WON'T STOP IT FROM HAPPENING AND WILL ALLOW THESE PIGS TO KEEP THINKING THAT WE ARE SUBMISSIVE!!! This is exactly what they want! they do this because they expect for us to be "ladies" and NOT do anything about it! BUT FUCK THAT! If we take a stand one by one, we can make a difference in this world and show these pigs that this is not acceptable behavior!

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  38. Leather collar + denim shorts = my new style crush!

    I agree completely with the social commentary. I hate that men leer I wish that there daughters go back and tell them what it feels like.
    Its WRONG and NASTY glad you spoke about it.
    I might do a post on it too, If I do I'll link back to you.

    Made a comment about you blog on my blogs fb page http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Musings-Of-NRC/176416292382230

    Have a nice day.

    NRC♥

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  39. Great post. I totally agree with your views on street harassment. It isn't fair and it's very uncomfortable.
    Great collar btw :)

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  40. You have a very special and wonderful look. Xxxx

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  41. Parking garage man sounds horrible, I'm sorry. I had some horrible cretin who was wearing CLEAR Terry Richardson glasses (I kid you not) literally follow/stalk my friend and I the other week. I ended up having the bouncer throw him out after he finally decided it was okay to touch me. I don't know what goes through people's minds that they decide "Oh, it's totally okay for me to do this." No dude. Never okay. That being said, I can't wait for you to do your "online shopping favorites" post. I've been thinking about doing a jewelry post similar to the one you did a few months ago, because I really enjoyed reading that and think you did a fantastic job of separating your jewelry into categories.

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  42. You look terrific.
    I know exactly what you mean about men in the street it is so annoying. You should just pass them by but it is so hard not to shout at them!

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  43. I seriously adore your effortless yet edgytyle. I found your site through your lookbook.I'm following you,
    http://www.abinavarrete.blogspot.com/

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  44. what a deep post, it really struck a cord with me. Have you ever read "Yes means Yes"? It's easily one of the most powerful feminist books I've ever come across and addresses some of topics you just discussed. I high recommend it if you got the time!

    -Catherine

    http://sunnyscones.blogspot.com/

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  45. P.S. totes following you now!

    -Catherine

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  46. http://www.ihollaback.org/

    this is also a very good link on the subject.
    love your blog.

    matilda-sweden

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  47. You so amazing. totally dig your style.

    Jen xx
    jjnoir.blogspot.com

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  48. I'm totally in love with your style since finding you on Chictopia like... 5 minutes ago :). Awesome shorts! And your tats are sweet. Followin'

    cheers,
    --Megan//The Martian Tide

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  49. I love your blog so much! You have incredible style! Amazing!! Following you. <3

    http://gypsygaminevintage.blogspot.com

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  50. you have long hair now? it shows how long I've been gone from the blogosphere.

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